The Life of an Ambivert

I wish you a happy new year. 

Been a while since I last posted. I had gone back home for Christmas, and now I am travelling back to my university. It is technically the first time for me travelling alone, which turned out to be an awesome experience, hence the post. So I had to take two flights to reach KL, the first one stopping at Sri Lanka, and then a transit to KL. Dubai airports around important festivals and in this case, end of the year/decade, can hold an impressive quantity of people who chose to travel on a working day. I had very little to do window shopping around the duty free area so I sat waiting at the gate. It took a while for them to announce boarding, and the gates were hoarded by people in no time. One man takes advantage of the crowd and confusion to sit next to me and ask, nay, beg for my help. He bought a bag full of toblerones for his 'babies' as he called them. In his excitement he forgot about the cabin baggage limit, making his over 15 kg. Long story short I agreed to carry...

I think I should laugh more. What I do everyday is that, I don't express any emotions as would be expected by a normal human being. I repress these emotions, could be anger, joy, depression etc. I have been able to successfully control myself in every situation. Or so I thought.  What happens when all that energy and pressure is pent up inside your body, yearning for release? It releases.  I was in the middle of a cheer-leading stunt with the teammates of my group. For some reason our flyer was giggling. She seems to do that every time we were on the verge of failing our stunt. She starts to laugh during liberty-extension. My base partner lets out a laugh, a sharp "HA!''. And we fail the stunt. What ensues later is thirty seconds of unadulterated laughter by yours truly. I realized my laughter but I couldn't stop myself. It felt really good, and the best part was everyone else's reaction, because they just received a glimpse of the other Nachiket for th...

I really have to do something about my sleeping habits. I slumber these days more often than sleep. I think it's the cheer-leading sessions that drain my energy. I sleep either before a session, usually a nap or after the session, where I go into deep sleep mode, which usually last for years and years. I slept for eleven hours last night. Another time I had a couple of hours to kill before a lecture so I nodded off. I woke up four hours later, having missed an important briefing and was late for my cheer session. I should really do something about this. 

It did not live up to the expectations that were anticipated by the audience and onlookers. I didn't want to go but from what I heard from my seniors, Diwali celebrations catered by the last batch was done really well. Can't say the same for this year. The first day was songs. Traditional would have worked best, since Diwali is a celebration of traditions. Apparently someone thought it would be appropriate to sing Bollywood. The second and third day was lunch. Well known in South India for its signature style of cutlery, they decided to provide a rather pricey meal. Since most Indians and Sri Lankans here aren't literally from India and Sri Lanka, I disregarded the fact that the meal wasn't vegetarian. It's Diwali. There are religious standards to uphold. Then came the flash mob. The Indo-Lankan Amalgamation, as it should be known has a spectacular seventy-six member count. Excluding myself and say ten others, sixty-five members. The flash mob was only thirty...

How do you begin a conversation with a person you don't know? You see this person, and nothing enters your head. There are so many things to start a conversation with, but nothing. It's not fear or embarrassment, just nothing. Even if I used this as a started joke, it's like, ''Can't do this forever right, got to transition.'' Maybe if I spent time thinking and preparing for it, and just did it. It works a lot better if I'm not myself, because when I am myself, it usually never works out. I realized that during my debate session. What I said was absolute crap, and the way I spoke was ten times as worse. If I wasn't myself it would've gone well, I'm sure of it. 

Why are people the worst you ask? A hungry stray cat is following you as you try to walk towards your building. You can't even enter the elevator because the thing decides to walk inside. You want to remove it safely when you are interrupted by an elderly couple. They take this opportunity to press a button on the elevator and send the cat on its own all the way to the 10th floor.

I seem to have a rather strange ability to destroy any relationships that I create. It took me only three months and I have already lost two friends, the best part being that I predicted it a month before I knew it would happen. As of this moment, a person I thought of as a close friend is treating me like I don't exists. There she sits, across from the table I am sitting on, as if to make a statement that yes, I am ignoring you and you can't tell why but you have done something bad and I will never tell you what you did. The Gujju. I started writing this piece like a minute and I had already peaked her curiosity by aggressively typing at the keyboard, she glances up ever so slightly to look at what I am doing, and understanding the distinguishable trait of mine (typing at the university), she goes back to reading her notes. The worst part of all this is that I don't know if I have actually done anything wrong, I probably have though. However, I thought we had reached a ...

How do I control my emotions? No, how do I make them go away?

We had our first laboratory session two days ago. We had to view our blood under a microscope to identify difference in salt content. Now we had to use a Lancet, the device used to draw a tiny amount of blood for blood-glucose tests. It doesn't hurt at all. It is literally nothing to be afraid of. What most people hate about it though, is the wait. The anticipation that a needle will prick your skin, and from earlier experiences with big needles often scare people. Many students were scared of the initial two seconds and fine afterwards. However, the anticipation for watching the Joker movie, now that has been killing me.

Half  a dozen posts ago, I wrote about how after orientation week none of us group members would actually remain as friends with everyone else. I can gladly say that I am right. It's unfortunate, yes but inevitable. And now the same is going to happen with my current friends as well. It will all happen due to me and my personality. Mostly because none of them have seen my bad side. No one knows about it. My nihilistic side. You must be wondering, talking about wouldn't help my cause right? I don't care to be honest. It is inevitable in the end, hence there is no point in delaying it. 

We had our first Problem-based learning (PBL) session last week. Students divided into groups are given a medical/health-related problem that they must discuss about and try to solve. Our theme was weight disorders. On a sheet of paper was the stereotypical picture of a sordid looking white boy, engulfing junk food. He was watching the television from up close. Looking at the image, it was common sense at to what the discussion would be about. Obesity, firstly. His sitting posture, a level of habitual comfort, the food that had him surrounded, the distance between him and the TV, the obvious lack of parental supervision, and the inferred isolation due to social stigma. Aided by the facilitator (a great individual surely, will talk about him later), we were able to conjure up a lot of talking points. It was a tasteless conversation, to be completely honest. Out of nine students, five spoke at most, murmured even. In hopes to impress the facilitator, every speaker was being passively ...

The day of the pledge of professionalism, I forgot to bring my lab coat. I decided to run all the way back to my 15th floor apartment. Thankfully, I wasn't late for my first lecture. While running, I thought to myself,'' I must so irresponsible that on the very first day of officially starting the medicine course and taking my first steps as a future doctor with the Pledge of professionalism, I forget to bring an important article to the university, making me late by the slightest minute.'' I believe that something that really needs to change for me, is my ability to prioritize my objectives, so as to maintain a professional standard and provide clarity and importance to my academics and life. I really wanted to speak the words of Hippocrates, his oath, a speech immortalized through out history as a binding document for an industry. I was disheartened by the pledge that we were made to say, something I considered a cheap copy of the original oath. I hope that...

It is very late at the moment, almost 1 am. I heard a sharp shout followed by a loud screaming. The shout sounded like something you would get if you got punched in the gut or fell upon your knees suddenly. The scream was desperate and bloody, the kind that comes out upon sudden realisation that your friend got hit fatally right in front of you and there's nothing you can do about. Maybe I'm just delirious.

You know what I hate about people that care? The fact that they pretend to. Sitting together at lunch time is supposed to be relieving, a break amongst the busy schedule of the entire day. They call me to join their table, they act like it matters. They are, all of them, hypocrites. Not bad people, just hypocrites. I am staring at them right now from across the table and the only thing I see is their heads slumped over, real zombie like, the only thing alive being their fingers. Who would have thought that one series of intricate clicks of the tongue and brief gusts of air would be replaced by a similar incessant clicking of the digits? However one thing is definitely certain. I will lose friends. 

I really hate telling people about this blog. It's one thing to know that these blogs are accessible to everyone, it's another to watch them read it right in front of you, face burning up as they try to hide their laughter, eyes darting back and forth from the blog to yours truly in a matter of seconds. Especially when I write about them. Like I have about a number of people. And the questions, oh the questions. It all passes, however. But sometimes it gets better because they stop reading after the first few blogs and they get bored. Exempli gratia, two girls that I mentioned my blog to, are sitting in front of me at the moment, and I can tell that they have completely forgotten about said blog. I wonder sometimes why people think themselves so clever when they play tricks on others. After a rather obligatory museum visit, I joined a group of fellow students for lunch, and as it happens we played the usual go-to verbal games, never-have-I-ever, kiss-marry-kill and a viva ab...

First of all let's applaud my use of the title. Clap it up, clap it up, everybody!! I didn't write for a whole week because I had a lot of assignments to do. A 1500 word essay on poisons and a movie review. Assignments week or the title for short. I almost choked on the proverbial poison that was my essay. Sure it came out better than I expected but it still almost killed me. I was frantic the entire week, surely my blood pressure rose by a couple of RPMs. Also, the thing I was dreading for happened finally. A new roommate. Introducing himself as Sri Lankan but actually South Indian, he has left me craving for privacy once again. I don't actually mind having a roommate to be honest, but spending hours in a congested room with another person is too much for me to handle. Of course he does me gratitude by spending time on the apartment couch, yet every night I have to sleep not 50 cm away from his bed. He uses few of my things, again something I have no problem with, but i...

The decongestants that the doctor gave me on the follow up visit makes the pain return. It stings some times. That isn't the worst part. The tablets are supposed to liquefy any fluids that have gotten collected in the ear-nose-throat canal, and liquefy it did. Each time it moves makes it feels like an insect has crawled up into my ear and is visiting my brain. It's like when your ear pops after it accumulates to surrounding pressure on a plane, except mine stays with me and torments me for eternity. I can't even sleep the right way because of the discomfort. Each ride on the elevator makes my ears shatter. I wanted to write on a better topic, but this infection rivaled with my deadline for the academic essay....... I'll upload another one tomorrow.

Hmm, seems like every time I come up with good topics I get better views on each post. I just crossed 3000 views on my blog last night. Wow. I started this blog because I got bored at a wedding, but now little things like this give me a bit of joy, which makes me write even more. I'm sure this will end in a while though, once real studies start. I should actually be focusing on my academic essay, but this is more enjoyable. Who doesn't like doing things that they like, for example writing their blog and watching anime? I have no clue what I am watching right now, but it's pretty good as a time-killer. It's called 'Danganronpa'. The story is just crazy. It doesn't even give you time to breathe, each episode is that intense. When you think about it, that's the point of anime. The reason anime is loved by millions is due to the very fact that animators and story tellers are able to come together and create something that is equal parts beautiful and in...

I hate being complimented. I don't know how to accept compliments more like. Not two hours ago, a mate from my orientation group sort of complimented me on my choice of topic for my academic essay and my choices for topics in general, saying things like, '' Its MAD thinking'' and stuff like that. And I just looked at him and mumbled something stupid, that I don't even remember now. It was more annoying than awkward on my part, since in the back of my head I immediately started to curse at myself for my lack of awareness or the fact I am not able to converse with anyone normally. This MAD thinking helps me while debating during the Socratic Seminar but I go out of luck as soon as I enter a normal conversation. I don't deserve commendation. 

I am 6 pegs in and I don't think I have gotten drunk. I am aware of every single action that I am taking and I am being super conscious about it. Maybe I am drunk because i have increased my expressiveness amongst one person. But maybe the fact that I am writing about it means I haven't? But i dont know when to stop though because I keep drinking. And I dont know my exact tolerance level. So thats that. Maybe I am drunk because i dont care if my parents read this or not. Okay so maybe I am getting drunk. Usually when I am talking to myself I don't express what i am thinking physically, but I just wished I had my inhaler and made the action out loud. I think I am officially drunk at 7 pegs of whiskey. Also if my parents are reading I am under the vigilance of very friendly seniors that promised to take care of me. –· ––– ·––   ··   ·––– ··– ··· –   ··–· · · ·–··   ··· ·–·· · · ·––· –·––  –··· –·––   –· ––– ·––   ··...

I have an oral presentation in 45 minutes and I am shitting myself. The only thing that seems to calm me down is Radiohead. It's not that I am not ready or that I haven't prepared. Probably just the nerves. I have given many speeches before so this is supposed to be a piece of cake. Five minutes of speaking in front of strangers. They know I speak well, I should be using that to my advantage. But I still having this nagging feeling for some reason. I am being marked for this. The nagging feeling is that maybe I didn't choose a good enough topic. My topic isn't exactly health related, liked it's supposed to be. It has to do with morality. The speech has to either be fucking perfect or my topic doesn't work. I have gone over the speech and the presentation slides over and over. Maybe the slides are too bland. Maybe the speech isn't interesting enough for five minutes' worth of their attention. I already don't have a credible reputation to begin with...

It's been a week since I've been on my own now. I am already down with an ear infection that's left me numb and deaf in one ear. The place I''m living in has cobwebs in its kitchen closets and the same damp stink coming from every electronic application. My room is small and currently half rented by myself. I've had multiple students come and go trying to find somewhere decent to live, only to disapprove of its meager quality. Thank goodness for that, honestly. I could never bear sharing a tiny room with another human, let alone the bathroom and toilet twenty-four hours a day. My guess is that the standards of living for the general student population has increased drastically due to the inalienable demand of privacy. It suits me. I've made new acquaintances. It seems to be tradition to hold games and skits and whatnot so as to familiarize the students and introduce them to the value of having a good time in the absence of whats to come. I actually wished...

As of this moment, I am watching a silent filming of the 2015's Jurassic World, waiting for my phone to charge to an adequate amount for my daily dose of Instagram feeds, and thinking of ways to start this blog, all while sitting in a lounge at the Malaysian international airport. I can never seem to remember the first time I came here with my family. I was five years old then. Do you ever remember things that you did or places that you went to when you were really young? I definitely don't. It;s just tiny fragments of memory that's burnt into my mind. Legitimately this is the only thing I can recall about my 2006 trip. The first morning in Kuala Lampur, we went to a South Indian restaurant to eat. It was an open air place, meaning it had it's fair share of bugs and strays. It was the way my sister screamed when a stray cat brushed against her leg, that logged that memory in my head. There is no recollection of the butterfly park, bird park, the Twin Towers, or any of ...

Fortieth blog. Wow what a journey, what a journey. I never thought I would get a chance to say this but I made it. I finally made it. And it wouldn't have been possible if it were not for all support that I was given from my friends and family. I would like to thank all of my friends, they gave me so much hope. ''Your blog sucks!'' ''Why do you act like this?" ''You are such a loner....'' ''Your blogs are shit!!'' These words are so inspiring to me, it really gave me the right amount of energy and confidence to type on my keyboard all day. I cannot believe it has been two years since I began my journey. I would like to thank the ones who didn't include me in any of the wedding festivities like the dance and all of the work that I wanted to do that wasn't given to me. If I hadn't been told to go to my room early each night while my entire family talked and chatted their ass off, I would never have gotte...

Again, it's been a while. Hello. Did you miss me? I would think so. You know, sometimes I like to imagine that someone on the other end reading this actually replies out loud. Feeble hopes, but still it's something that I think about everyday. I don't know what I am saying. In my last two blogs, I had decided to add content specific titles to the blog, but the only good title ideas I have are too long. So here goes. ''I got my license and I can now drive like an adult so please do not restrict me from driving the car that I want I am begging you!!!!" Boom. Said it. I passed my final test on 13th January. It was a bit late from my schedule. Basically, Dubai has a system where to get a driving license, you have to register to a driving school and learn under a government-certified instructor. You can't learn from just anyone. Unless of course, if you have a license in another country where traffic moves on the right side of the road like USA, you just ...