The Life of an Ambivert

 Turns out I have n-covid-19 finally. So does my mother and father. My sister is negative. I have been confined to one room for the past 22 hours now and it hurts already. I have decided to formally take up yoga, in an effort to do something interesting with my time. I also started to binge watch Naruto. I don't think I can make my flight back to Malaysia. I promised a friend that I would take her to a cat cafe for her birthday, so that's not happening as well. At least not until the end of my quarantine period. I don't want to disappoint her. Oh right, I also have my academics to think of. 

 I think I'm going to give meditation a try. Just did a de-stressing course, have to say its the most relaxed I've felt these past six months. Who would have thought breathing would be the answer? 

 According to a Psychology professor, writing a gratitude journal will help me become more optimistic and positive. Something about positive reinforcement that could increase my serotonin and dopamine. Hah! Nothing can pull me out of this pool of cortisol and absolute misery. 

A good summary of the pandemic could be presented like the activity on this blog. A furtive attempt at normalcy by not addressing the 6 month gap that took place in between my posts. I don't even know what to put into this blog anymore. It's not even funny anymore to laugh at my own depression. Why wasn't this year as productive as I made it out to be? So many dreams, so few turned to reality. My house feels like a fancy prison. I only go out when I have to walk my dog or water the plants or do the laundry. I don't procrastinate on any of my house chores anymore, which should be a good thing but it feels wrong. I enjoy doing them, they break this seemingly everlasting monotony. I wanted to learn mandarin, instead I spent two weeks training my non-creative mind making haiku poems.  My shame is slowly degrading day by day. I actually began an academic essay for my module with a haiku on the pandemic.  Half-year of caution wrought, Ideas run dry, Nature finds fleeting pe...

I have gotten into politics so much now, it is quite unreal. The only things I watch these days is Naruto and congressional sessions. Both Indian and American. My group project video is coming along great though. Haven't seen it as of yet, but I have rather high hopes for how it might turn out. I plan on putting it up on this blog for you to see, I may also create a group account on YouTube and add it there. I ate half a jar of chocolate covered almonds yesterday, as my lunch and dinner. I'm still chomping on them while I write this and do my other work. On the other hand, I haven't used the elevator since the past five days. I don't know, maybe to compensate for my binge-ing. When I write the word 'binging', it shows the red line at the bottom. Is that not a real word? I feel like I have lost yet another person that I considered a friend. It's probably not so but my brain is just sure of this fact. Mainly it has to do with the attitude of the way she i...

Since I have some time on my hands I decided to learn something new. Namely, lock picking. After several videos and a guide, I gave it a try. Firstly, I didn't have any of the required materials. A tension wrench and the pin (don't know what it's called). I would also need a practice lock, a transparent lock made for the singular purpose of learning to lock-pick. I had none of those. I had a master lock used for gates and baggage and no tools. I decided to fashion them out of chopsticks using my Swiss blade. The result was quite impressive. I surprised myself. However (of course), a tension rod is made in a specific way. Chopsticks can't accomplish that role, even if it is professionally fashioned to be so. So that was a bust. I will have to buy the real tools, I guess. I am also learning to make stop-motion video. This came out of necessity because my group decided to make an animation for our project. Now I spend every night awake, drawing. I suck at drawing by t...

As you might you know, if you keep up with this blog, I am not an avid outgoing guy. I don't talk a lot, especially in big groups. And that's something that I try to change. Which is why I decided to lead my community project group. I want to change, I force myself to be something that I am not. step out of my comfort zone.  (side note: There seems to be something stuck in my throat, and I have tried to wash it down, but it isn't budging. What should I do. ) And I did, hence the leading position. I think I have done a fairly decent job as of yet, however it still feels like I am not able to connect with my teammates as a leader should. I am heavily influenced by movies and you always see the leader persona in movies, especially, sport oriented ones like Jerry Maguire, Moneyball, The Big short, the Godfather etc. I try to, dare I say, replicate the attributes portrayed in such movies in my own work. I still feel, however, that my team isn't responding to me. If...

I don't routinely update this blog. I have gone months without a single post, and then out of guilt, have fired of two or three posts in the span of three weeks. I have a speech to give in less than an hour in a foreign language that I have not prepared for. Yes, the speech about my country (previous blog). The MCO has been extended yet another two weeks. I am stuck. I don't know what to do anymore. Why am I even writing this piece?

For my Malaysian studies essay, I have to write two essays of which one I have to orate in front of my class and teacher. The first one is about my country. I have decided to write about the U.A.E. Sure some might consider it unpatriotic but firstly I don't care, and secondly I know more about U.A.E. and India is just too vast to write 150 words about. I think for now I have shortened it down to these points for now: - bedouins - forming of the emirates - created prime tourist destination - high standard of living (golden toilet inside joke) - formed legendary image (most/ best of everything) - importance of location geographically (silk route) - dubai a melting pot for different cultures (97 nationalities) - islamic country (monarchy) - authoritarian government (pseudo free market economy) (absolute power to the royal family) Depending on how it goes I mean to write something about the EXPO 2020, the economic recession and the unbelievably awesome vehicles that can be...

The virus is really doing a lot isn't it. Good things and bad things. Deaths in 2020 have sky-rocketed, scaring a lot of the elderly and many aspiring pregnant couples. On the other hand, a blanket shut-in around the world seems to have stopped the world from spinning, metaphorically. Some call it an act of God, while others blame engineers at an industry in Wuhan. There are people enjoying their new found freedom, embracing new society by singing from their balconies and investing in home workout apps. And there are some who choose to close off the blinds, shutting themselves off from the world like nothing's changed. The fall of big banks and stock markets is prodding the common man to put more trust into private businesses and rich people. Three months it took. I don't know a good segue to transition into the next para sorry. I am generally critical of myself when it comes to disposal of waste. I can't divide my trash into three groups but outside I make sure...

It seems like most posts I write start off with "it has been a while" or "hello again" or some other derivative pleasantry meant to excuse my laziness and complete ineptitude at maintaining this blog. What can I say? The virus has kept me busy.  Two weeks into the Movement Control Order issued by the government, and I have run out of ways to distract myself. I guess I have to resort to studies finally. (that's a little joke, with the slightest hint of urgency to it). I've been listening to K-Pop at an alarming rate, it scares me. The Prince fills my head with information I have less use for. The same goes for some of the survival skills I'm trying out. I began playing a surprisingly fun MMORPG called Eve Online. It has everything you could ask for, space exploration, space battles, light-speed warping, all neatly packed in a package that is completely free of cost. It also happens to be the one game other than Minecraft that I can play smoothly witho...

I was walking to the university one morning. I hadn't had any sleep for the last 12-something hours and had worked out after a vigorous study session. Usually they don't let anyone use the gym at 4:30 am but I'm friendly with the security guards so I get a pass on that. While most students use the gym from the evening till midnight, according to their schedule, I prefer to use it early in the morning. I guess it has something to do with the eerie nature of the street leading up to the university. Danger lurking around every corner, while I strut along, unbeknownst to anything in my surroundings with AC/DC blasting. (Back to the morning after the work-out.) So, in my tired, hungry state I walk. Droopy-eyed, with lethargy-driven movements I walk. And that's when I see her. Alright, real talk. I was writing this piece out of my ass two days ago, completely forgot about it and here I am today. I can't exactly remember where I was going with it, but I remember it ...

It has been twenty three hours since I slept properly. Studies have been going well. My lectures began like clockwork. I had the good fortunate of going home early. I knocked out a good set of hours studying. Had dinner. Watched the genius of Larry David at work. I played popl for a couple of hours and then spend some time with my house mates playing PUBG. It was a good break. To compensate I spent the next four hours studying and then went to the gym. Three hours later I was back in the lecture hall. I guess I am at my best when I don't think about my next move. (Edit: So sleepy I missed out multiple words my first attempt at writing this)

I would love to speak to a therapist. It might be fun, it might be boring, it might be painful. It will be an experience. Writing this blog is therapeutic in a way, but the supposed conversation that I seem to be having is always one-sided. It should be quite something else to have someone respond in a meaningful way to what I have to say. Someone who can provide a third-person perspective, devoid of any personal bias. Of course, every person makes judgement based on what they hear and correlate it with how much they know about the person. Maybe that is why I don't talk primarily to my friends about this I guess.

I dont like wearing masks, even out of necessity. Especially not for an excess of ten hours, the exact amount of time it took to get to Kuala Lampur and through its airport. Night flights usually help because I can't sleep on a plane and exhaustion helps me get there. The fear of imminent death from exposure kept me awake. There was a kid coughing and sneezing the entire time on the flight. So, I don't remember if I have talked about this, it has been quite some time but I smoked cigarettes with my best friend. I think I have mentioned it before. He came to Dubai for his vacations, and we smoked to celebrate. Considering the guy is a chimney compared to me, we thought it was quite the bonding moment for us to share one together. And we did. and my dad saw us. And he mentioned during a dinner two days later. I keep thinking about odds. Probability. Us being outside somewhere, choosing a non-discreet time to stand out in the open, and my dad sees us. That right turn onto the...

The semester break has officially begun. I spent the first eight hours of the break sleeping for an hour at a party, then going home to pack my bags and wash the dishes as I sing duets with Solomon Burke, watch episodes of Sex Education S2, work out at the university gym and play a couple of games of pool. That's not how I want the rest of my break to go. I should really plan it out. 

The title has nothing to do with Charles Dickens' novel. It has to do with me deciding to cook a dinner for a number of people since collectively, our semester will end in four days. I can't tell if I may have bitten off more than I can chew with the menu because it is quite extensive. My friends are expecting a lot, which isn't stressful for me nor is it overwhelming. It's just that I don't want to cook too much because there would be no one left around to eat it the next day. Maybe I might not even cook at all so soon after new year's. After coming back from my vacations seems like the better option, frankly. Let's see. This is what I settled on. Honey-glazed salmon Asparagus stuffed chicken Mashed potatoes / Macaroni and cheese (haven't decided on that) I will be going back to Dubai soon however, which is delightful. One month of bliss. Of course, I have a lot of goals that I want to achieve when I am there. Start boxing again, work on m...

I decided to fast since midnight of 1st January 2020. It lasted for sixty-one hours. I ended it with a 500 ml fresh juice, which then led my body to respond promptly, by forcing me to race home and vacate my bowels. Apparently my stomach cannot handle crushed apple, mango, celery and orange. At home, a bowl of nuts and gooseberry jam set me straight. I also decided to go vegetarian for a whole year, as my resolution. Most resolutions I think are without consequence. People only carry around a fleeting guilty conscience about not following their goals for the year. I have decided to punish myself with 500 push-ups if I fail at my goal.