The Life of an Ambivert

Hmm.  I had a panic attack. This is new. It's exciting. I feel as if I am about to vomit. The realisation of the attack makes me laugh. It's a low gutteral laugh, as if subconsciously trying to indicate the retching that is soon to follow. I decide to sweat it out at the sauna. Allow these fluids and toxins escape my body in the way I desire. After all, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

Sometimes I feel like I put in a bit too much effort into stupid things. Stupid things that are fun at first, but then become tiresome and gruesome when they don't pay off.  For today's session, we were split up into groups and asked to work on different topics. We had to come up with a skit, on talking to patients with extreme beliefs.  I very much wanted to take the backburner on this discussion, mainly because I was grilling some chicken on the side and making lunch. However, none of them wanted to really go into it so I decided to write. I didn't comment and just began to type, as an anonymous alpaca on the google document. I wrote a pretty okay script, if you ask me. There was enough provocation and intrigue in it to make for a compelling argument between doctor and patient. I was writing the doctor's part while my counter part wrote for the patient, playing off of my sentences.  They really butchered it. I feel ashamed. The skit wasn't meant to be funny, or dr...

No one plans for something quite like me. This is not a modest take. Be me. It is 1 o'clock in the morning.  There is a deadline for a presentation that me and my team have to prepare for and present. I decide to stay up late since we did not prepare a draft for our presentation. I work for hours on end, (while subsequently watching Bill Burr to keep me awake) and come up with a rough draft. It is now 8 o'clock in the morning. I begrudgingly walk to university, dreaming about espressos. I see a teammate of mine waiting. This mate, drove all the way just to help present our video. (Props to her) We sit and chit-chat over breakfast and time begins to slip by. I don't realize that we missed our daily briefing, and hurry to start the meeting.  I go over every role, and use the sense of urgency to my advantage to encourage my mates to put in their work. Still, we have yet to begin filming our video. It was soon lunch time. I had an enjoyable lunch. Although the food was basic, i...

I promised myself I wouldn't write about this yesterday, but I am sitting here waiting for the show to start and have nothing to do, which gives me a short window of time to write this piece. Yesterday was an interesting night. For the first time, in quite a while, I was by myself. Friday night with no one to do anything with. Few were out of the country, some about to depart hence unavailable. Some were in quarantine. Some were with each other and hence unavailable to hangout. (Yes I am talking about you two). So I thought, time to watch a movie. I watched No Man of God, a recreation of the relationship between the infamous Ted Bundy and his FBI handler. And I started to drink. After I finished the movie (riveting by the way, check it out), I realized something. I just watched a movie about a rapist serial killer. I should message this girl I just had a long conversation the day before about how all men are evil until proven otherwise. So I did. I messaged her and we hung out. 

 I talk a lot about how important it is to make your presence known in a group, especially in a university setting, with my friend. In my case and in the case of most of the international students who are currently studying here, it is quite vital to begin with a solid footing whenever you are required to work with your peers. I learnt it really late the hard way, so I try to warn about the dangers of starting late. It usually helps later on, as going for hospital and clinic visits isn't as stressful once you develop a rapport with any of your local peers.  Now, I learnt yesterday that this kind of method can also backfire. Over-enthusiasm can serious maim, if not kill. Essentially, I forced my hand and anointed myself as group leader for a project.  I basically jumped into the spartan pit without needing a kick in the ass.  I walked the plank without any coercion. I pulled all the triggers on my own firing squad. I helped the undertaker make the noose. I sourced the...