The Life of an Ambivert

 I should start finding alternatives to how I begin these posts, because very frequently do I start them off with some iteration like, "It's been quite some time" or " too much time has past'' etc.  It has been been 84 years since I wrote my last post. I can't be bothered to remind myself what I had written about. Best case scenario, it makes me nostalgic. Worst case, I die from embarrassment. I have been meaning to write something for a while, don't get me wrong. I just haven't found anything to write about. Granted, at first I thought it was because my life had been pretty uneventful these past few months, but that's not the case. It's been pretty spectacular lately. Maybe there was a different reason. Perhaps I strayed from the original intent that I had for this blog. So, here I am, once again, willing to breath in renewed life into this creation. Today's story is about how I burned my back. Picture me, a mere child at 12 years old...

It has been a while. Too much and too little has happened, these past two months. Sudden highs followed by depressive lows and vice versa. Intuition is funny.  On a primal basis, it is an incredible mechanism that we freely fashion to our specifications. Over the years, evolution helped us chisel away at this raw block of intuition and prepare it to take many forms. Some use it as a weapon, to others it is a coat of armor. And of course, there are those who prefer not to let it take any shape, let it remain raw with potential. My intuition, I believe has the shape of a cannon. Heavy, blundering, prone to rust if not used regularly and maintained, and is equipped with unfortunate tendencies to jam when required. But, if used correctly, has a devastating effect in your favor. [I wanted to include cannon misfiring as well but a quick google search led me down a not-so PG route; look it up] Follow your instinct.  I learnt recently that the most important thing about intuition is n...

 A friend and I were talking and they came up with an idea for me. This idea is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard or had recommended to me. An idea that would never formulate in any sane person's brain. An idea so preposterous, it would instantly tank any credibility I have left.   You should open an OnlyFans account, they said.  "There are other ways to get pictures of my feet you know.....", says I. "No! An OnlyFans for your blog. Introduce it on another platform."  SOLD Prepare to witness me rocket-launching my blog onto the greatest social media platform ever constructed for creators unlike myself. I will do it when I reach my next big milestone.  Expect me. I am Legion.

My confusion was quite obvious. My head shaking in disbelief as I asked her clarify what she was asking was evident to her, so she followed up with more questions.  "Are you Australian?" x 2 "Are you British?"  x 2 Suddenly it clicked. She thought I was a tourist, looking for a cheap thrill. From my knowledge of Dubai, I know that most illegal things operate under the guise of normalized practices. Money is laundered through businesses or purchasing property, cops are paid off or bought as protection, and that sex work usually happens in massage parlors.  I knew in that moment, that her gambit was up. That a happy ending was in sight.  I looked at her, smiled as hard as I could with my eyes and said, "I'm Indian.".  "REALLY? Are you sure? Are you not from Australia?? I thought you were British. Are you half-half??" "I'm full full Indian." And suddenly, as if inspired by Pokémon, out of nowhere a wild man appeared. He had been st...

I love racism.  (Hold on, bear with me.) As I sat on my couch, in a towel buck naked, waiting for first light, I was reminded of a funny incident that took place last week. I was grocery shopping for a particular meal I had in mind. It was an Indian dish called Palak Paneer. It's made using spinach and cottage cheese. My hunt for this type of cheese brought across multiple supermarkets. I had to visit three locations in total before having to settle on ordering it online. It was very cheap, ironically, considering my hassle to find it proved to be rather pricey.  My first thought was to target an Indian store (reliable). As I made my way across a familiar shopping mall, I realized I had a shadow. A most peculiar woman was following me. We made eye contact and I Covid-smiled at her as politely as possible. This brief interaction seemed to have emboldened her as she decided to approach me.  Now, she was Chinese. She dressed like a European tourist, loose top and shorts with...

So there are multiple factors that can attribute to increasing or decreasing the odds of an event. For this to happen, I speculate that there were a few factors involved. 1. That Deborah, is not American, but a local Malaysian (the game is American, and she has a Biblical name) 2. The fact we chose to play that mini-game out of all the others 3. That she has a significant influence on our lives/ Aakash's life 4. That we have taunted Aakash in the past for his previous interests 5. That out of all the nouns in the english language, this american game chose two seemingly unrelated words (I checked, no correlation) 6. That out of all of the names in the HISTORY of the english language, we got one that directs impacted us.  Bear in mind, it wasn't just that her name randomly showed up. We were talking about how easy it is to be single, and how fun it can be to date someone you like. And, as if actively listening to us, the game subconsciously segued our conversation about being si...

(I have changed their names to maintain anonymity)  It was game night. My friends came over to my place. The theme was overpriced Grab food and JackBox. Aakash didn't want to play, the spoilsport. And Deborah, who was invited, didn't show up out of introversion.  Now, to set the stage for the event, let me tell you some facts. Aakash likes Deborah, but plays the stubborn fool and does very little about his affection. Deborah, knowing full well about his affection, always plays it up with him. Despite all of this, they have a decent friendship. This situation, however, provides a lot of humor for myself and my friends. So we are well into playing the game. For those of you who have never played JackBox, it is a group game that work similar to Kahoot!. We can type in, draw in, or select answers. There are many types of games, most of which work on satire (my explanation ruins the image of the game, please play for yourself).  The game was drawing graffiti. The players play ...

Have you ever come across a random-chance event? The kind that would only happen say, every once in a billion times, even trillion. I witnessed such an event recently.  For example, take the recent 22/2/22 event that happened on Tuesday, the 22nd of February, 2022. This date is considered special, because it is a palindrome. It reads the same forwards to backwards. It also happened to occur on a Tuesday.  A date like this will never come again. Not in our lifetime. We had a 11/1/11 last decade, but it wasn't as special. 'Two'sday is iconic. And we were fortunate enough to be alive to witness it.  The event I witnessed was even rarer. I may never experience anything like this in my lifetime again. I knew the second it happened, I had to write about it. It has to be etched in stone (or whatever, on the cloud). 

As you very well know by now, I am not a fan of anything cliché and tacky. Hence, I would like to take a moment and celebrate me reaching seven thousand three hundred and sixty nine views on my blog. This is a very special moment. I did not toil hard for this moment. All the blood, sweat and tears that I did not put into keeping this shallow dream of a blog alive. I am glad that I did not waste any time or energy into writing each post and am content with the fact that I will continue to half-heartedly keep writing for you.  That's really the main reason I write. For you. You are special. You are important. And I want to give you my gratitude. Therefore, I would like to formally thank all of my Malaysian and Eastern-European viewer-bots. You regularly traverse my posts. You take the time to sit through and read this low quality blog post when your algorithm has different tasks for you to do. Your presence keeps me going. Even in silence you speak volumes. It inspires me like you wo...

Hmm.  I had a panic attack. This is new. It's exciting. I feel as if I am about to vomit. The realisation of the attack makes me laugh. It's a low gutteral laugh, as if subconsciously trying to indicate the retching that is soon to follow. I decide to sweat it out at the sauna. Allow these fluids and toxins escape my body in the way I desire. After all, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

Sometimes I feel like I put in a bit too much effort into stupid things. Stupid things that are fun at first, but then become tiresome and gruesome when they don't pay off.  For today's session, we were split up into groups and asked to work on different topics. We had to come up with a skit, on talking to patients with extreme beliefs.  I very much wanted to take the backburner on this discussion, mainly because I was grilling some chicken on the side and making lunch. However, none of them wanted to really go into it so I decided to write. I didn't comment and just began to type, as an anonymous alpaca on the google document. I wrote a pretty okay script, if you ask me. There was enough provocation and intrigue in it to make for a compelling argument between doctor and patient. I was writing the doctor's part while my counter part wrote for the patient, playing off of my sentences.  They really butchered it. I feel ashamed. The skit wasn't meant to be funny, or dr...

No one plans for something quite like me. This is not a modest take. Be me. It is 1 o'clock in the morning.  There is a deadline for a presentation that me and my team have to prepare for and present. I decide to stay up late since we did not prepare a draft for our presentation. I work for hours on end, (while subsequently watching Bill Burr to keep me awake) and come up with a rough draft. It is now 8 o'clock in the morning. I begrudgingly walk to university, dreaming about espressos. I see a teammate of mine waiting. This mate, drove all the way just to help present our video. (Props to her) We sit and chit-chat over breakfast and time begins to slip by. I don't realize that we missed our daily briefing, and hurry to start the meeting.  I go over every role, and use the sense of urgency to my advantage to encourage my mates to put in their work. Still, we have yet to begin filming our video. It was soon lunch time. I had an enjoyable lunch. Although the food was basic, i...

I promised myself I wouldn't write about this yesterday, but I am sitting here waiting for the show to start and have nothing to do, which gives me a short window of time to write this piece. Yesterday was an interesting night. For the first time, in quite a while, I was by myself. Friday night with no one to do anything with. Few were out of the country, some about to depart hence unavailable. Some were in quarantine. Some were with each other and hence unavailable to hangout. (Yes I am talking about you two). So I thought, time to watch a movie. I watched No Man of God, a recreation of the relationship between the infamous Ted Bundy and his FBI handler. And I started to drink. After I finished the movie (riveting by the way, check it out), I realized something. I just watched a movie about a rapist serial killer. I should message this girl I just had a long conversation the day before about how all men are evil until proven otherwise. So I did. I messaged her and we hung out. 

 I talk a lot about how important it is to make your presence known in a group, especially in a university setting, with my friend. In my case and in the case of most of the international students who are currently studying here, it is quite vital to begin with a solid footing whenever you are required to work with your peers. I learnt it really late the hard way, so I try to warn about the dangers of starting late. It usually helps later on, as going for hospital and clinic visits isn't as stressful once you develop a rapport with any of your local peers.  Now, I learnt yesterday that this kind of method can also backfire. Over-enthusiasm can serious maim, if not kill. Essentially, I forced my hand and anointed myself as group leader for a project.  I basically jumped into the spartan pit without needing a kick in the ass.  I walked the plank without any coercion. I pulled all the triggers on my own firing squad. I helped the undertaker make the noose. I sourced the...

I used to hold a strong belief that my good luck is often followed by bad luck. Sporadic good luck that is then met with an immediate wave of bad luck.  I was supposed to  have a perfect week. Academically, at least, at my GP posting. The last four days went really well. So well in fact I started to have hope. I made a friend. I was sleeping on time every night. Our assigned doctors were pretty great, as it turns out. I even got to take my booster dose at the very clinic that we were assigned to, due to swift action from our doctor (bless her).  Today, the last day was supposed to go even better. A good 9-4 shift that ends with an outing at the local mall. Everything planned out. Then the unexpected occurs. She can't make it due to personal reasons and was taking the day off to tend to her friend. I got the message from her at one in the morning. Why was I awake you ask? I was woken up by a raging fever (booster induced) that hasn't subsided for the past two and a half ho...

I never thought I would reach one hundred posts. I want to say that I am quite surprised with myself and this feat of mine. Honestly, I'm sitting here wondering how I even managed to 'maintain' it. It definitely doesn't have the slightest semblance to what it was originally supposed to be. I still remember that moment at the wedding. People were dancing and being lively, while I sat in the shadows like Gollum, resolute to map out my entire life on this online diary. These days, people are never content with the answer "No reason". They prefer to eat lies or excuses instead. Oh, why am I not going to join you for lunch you ask?  Would a better answer be that my fleeting depression is making my brain crave a food induced dopamine-hit, and that I don't want to submit to my own mind? I'd rather just not say anything. Not being around people does give me ample time to write a new post so, depression has its perks I guess.

Part 3 We realised that her trepidation towards us was probably either due to anxiety, stranger-danger, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's or a mixture of it all. Or something else entirely.  We couldn't do much by ourselves. We wished her goodnight and good luck and began the walk back home. If part 3 felt unsatisfactory in anyway, it's mainly my fault because it's been almost three weeks since this experience. 

PART 2 Not understanding the meaning behind her question, I ignored her initially and repeated myself. She didn't reply, or couldn't, is what it seemed. As if nothing we said registered, she kept asking if I was Arab. At this point, I started to look around and assess the environment.  Why, you ask? I saw a video where two men were driving down a dark road and spot a woman. She seems desperate and cries for help. While the driver is busy putting on his shiniest piece of armor to rescue the fair maiden yonder, his friend in the passenger seat tenses up and starts to protest against stopping. Three seconds later, their car is surrounded by a group of men, trying to open the doors and break the windows.  They manage to drive away.  I start swerving my head like an owl. Fortunately, my friend was doing the same. Not a single bloodthirsty dacoit in sight. Instant relief. Sadly, as much as we tried she wouldn't answer. Finally, I asked if she was okay. She said she was okay. Kn...

PART 1: Setting is New Year's eve. My friend J.D. and I are walking down a sidewalk after dinner. It is 10pm and there is not a soul in site. As always, I was on edge, looking around to see if there was anything out of the ordinary. And there was.  Ten meters away, a figure stood from us. We were walking under a metal canopy that protects from rain, and that canopy was the only source of light as the actual light from the lamp posts was quite sparse. So. there we were, slowly inching our way towards this 'thing', which was completely cloaked in black. Now, obviously, in normal circumstances, the more rational part of my brain would take over and drive away any notion of panic or worry, but there was something about the way it just stood there, in our path, not moving even the slightest, staring right at us that made me anxious. Maybe it was the lighting that cast an undesirable shadow, maybe it was the unnaturally petrifying stance. Something was off.  We decided to steer v...